Terri Time

Crayon Canyon

2010-04-05T13:09:00.002-05:00

Fill the Canyons with Crayons.
Squash all the trees
with waxy rainbows
and level out the ledges.
Make all the mud stable
and crack all the bugs
so we can walk across.

I Didn't Tell You

2010-02-03T09:37:00.001-06:00

You know my every move.
My routine, every day.
So the one day, I broke free.
I kept driving north-
instead of making my left hand turn home.
I drove fast, passed the other cars,
drove like a wild women, giggling at my freedom.
Sang my heart out to the half song left on the station
Put my blinker on, to get in the right lane
and kept it blinking to make a right turn
into the lot and stopped the car next to the pump
to get gas.
I got out and slid my card to make it go.
I stood quietly taking my own moment in.
There was a stranger three feet away from me doing the same.
And then I drove home without telling you.

One Blurred Life Comin' Up!

2010-01-29T08:45:00.005-06:00

Do not say good morning.
Never, ever say goodnight.
Do not mark anniversaries.
Do not sleep.
Go to the grocery store and buy the same food.
Memorize the store for efficiency.
Watch football and do laundry every weekend.
Never go on a vacation.
Do not go to the art museum
or support any charities.
Do not leave the city for more than two hours.
Sit on the couch and watch the news after work.
Never ever read a book.
Always talk about dinner.
Do not make plans with your friends.
Do not DO NOT celebrate your birthday for more than one day.
Do not create new holidays.
Do not create anything for that matter.
Do not take classes.
Visit all parents a couple of times a month.
Make sure you have a teenager.
Add ice and stir.

Too Much Cake

2009-03-13T12:15:00.002-05:00

When you have too much of a good thing and then you feel sick from it. That's the kind of day I'm having. Sigh.

100 word poems

2009-03-03T08:03:00.002-06:00

An assignment using Joel Brower's technique in his book called Centuries. 100 word poems with one word titles.

Airhead

I see the words but not the rhyme. I see the trees but not the birds. I see the shot of Jack Daniels that needs a drink. I book class to fill my head like a Kool-Aid pitcher to come out with just more words. No sense or nonsense, I just can’t find it. More words to whisper, more words, too acid. Burn in my page and take a sip of little knowledge. I caress words like a bar of soap. I finger them like donut holes- twirl them around inside my head and still come out with no meaning.

Sugar

Tori kept saying bring her some sugar. So I searched in my loud sun, hiding behind sunglasses and roll downs. I looked where mornings slammed into buildings and evenings slammed into homes. Cool moon blue wakes rolled out of indoor blizzard storms. Bring it to her she said, bring sugar. Black pianos pound large stages with a far little lady in a long red haired wig and a monster mouth. She shooed people out of front row when they were too superior to bring her her sugar. She kills waitresses you know and eats pancakes, only with sugar of course.

Economy

The language, so fragile, so old, so new to babies. Each word precise or meaning of many. So many to learn, like larkspur- sounds like a bird. I hear you, I see you, I just don’t know you. I will soon forget you. Eat a plum cake, it’s soft and you don’t have to speak. Trees kids climb in backyards, giggling, falling, breaking. Tie her up, play the help help game and feel like a prince for a minute. Chalk streets. Ride in the lines. Over and over we were so poor we couldn’t even pay attention. Kids never know.

Perfection

Doom chips away for the diamonds: waving, handouts, rocks. Roll so fast down the hard bumpy staircase- bumping elbows, bumping knees. Land on pillows, land on twine, land on trees. A book, a love, an ear. Fate sees some possible perfection. Like a lighthouse that twirls so fast yet demands the ships in from the fog. Minds roll slow, waking for days, for hours now. Simmering pots of master potentials. At the bar, I need a drink to stop the think. Bartender, “To start- one stout, one upside down pineapple cake drink – and please- give me a cigarette, quickly, please.”

America

Red and green with Christmas. Red and yellow were the Indians. Red and blood in Iraq. You don’t know what is covered in someone else’s skin. We walked in a daze when the night was cool and quiet. We thought we were right. We thought we were safe with our shopping bags puffing at our sides. We pulled out our blankets. We pulled out our pillows. We laid on the sticks and leaves and stared at the stars. Stars always have stories to tell. They are not always pretty. When we woke we read white poetry under the blue sky.

Rock River

2009-02-23T11:38:00.002-06:00

“Don’t walk too close” - Jewel

The volcanic fires that burnt for years in my belly
have smoldered into a cooling lava stream.
Red heat still glows under the black heavy scars
of what used to be. I am saddened
by your sparks trying to start again ‘cause I know
there will be another rock river if I let you in.

Radical Atoms

2009-02-23T09:42:00.003-06:00

We were radical atoms

chasing circles around each other

trying to satisfy each other’s rings.

We span for years and came

to black holes and wordless days

carrying our past in chipped mugs

carrying on with hidden foot prints.

If you want to kill yourself AND go to heaven

2009-02-11T16:26:00.004-06:00

Bacon Explosion

Water

2009-02-06T06:51:00.002-06:00

Water

Water is our body’s air.
Water wanders in holes.
Water cannot resist holes.
Water is naturally cold.
Water is home in blue.
Water wants to know how to be stable.
Water cries a lot.
Water breaks sun rays.
Water is earth’s diamond earrings.
Water makes dirt smell like spring.
Water is the universal language.
Water travels in outer space.
Water is its own journey.
Water is the matter of freedom.
Water tickles mountains.
Water likes a good pair of shoes.
Water doesn’t need a book bag.
Water
can go where
any
Water is never satisfied.
Water feels claustrophobic in a mug.
Water likes to hold messages in a bottle.
Water is friends with coffee.
Water gets stuck in plants.
Water likes to seep into the ground.
and grow all the fruits and vegetables.
and play with the worms and stinkbugs.
Water gets its stability from dirt.
Water is in love with dirt.
Water is a nymphomaniac with dirt.
Water is happily married to dirt.
Water slowly takes its revenge on dirt.
Water feels luxurious when wearing a pearl necklace.
Water gets tired of the fish in the sea.
Water secretly doesn’t like salt.
Water feels bloated.
Water is lonely when it is a raindrop.
Water is sorry for turning into hail.
It is not the water’s fault when tornados visit.
Water is told what to do.
Water gets tired of it too.
Water hides in plastic lids.
Water likes to play with molecules.
Water waves to more waves.
Water gets sea sick sometimes.
Water will never know what it’s like to stop.
Water controls its pace.
Water feels important when carrying boats.
Water wants to be respected.
Water is never thirsty.
Water will never be a mother.
Water will never be a baby.
Water has a lot of shit in it.
Water wants to clean out its basement.
Water wants someone else to do the dishes.
Water has never met a hairdryer it liked.
Water tries to be friends with paper.
Water caresses wounded fish.
Does water call watermelon melon?
God hides in water to think.

Clouds

2009-01-25T17:57:00.001-06:00

May 24, 2004

I would like to leave this house. I would like to leave for a vacation. I would like to leave the grounds and go flying in the clouds where I know my head wants to be. I would like to take my daughter with me and give her the one thing she has always wanted; the one thing I cannot give her. That is to fly. I can hear her giggles; see her endless smile, showing her growing teeth. Her eyes wide with pure happiness. She would flip over, lie on her back, with her hands behind her head and her knees up, look at me, and say, “What? What are you looking at?” Then I would laugh because she would be so silly. She would understand better what it means to have water in the clouds. Maybe raindrops would form on our arms, legs, and then drop randomly out of the sky. We would get cold and Gen would say, “Cold doesn’t bother me,” because she never gets cold. She would never want to leave. Knowing this ahead of time, I would get us some really good raincoats.

I won a contest with this poem, Through the Slip Stream and a dancer danced to it.

I Shall Disappear

2009-01-25T16:53:00.000-06:00

I shall disappear

It is my song to you

I sing in trance.

Long and bass.

Floating backward

Arms reach out.

Eyes blink

Christmas List Nag... so ask.

2006-10-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

Some times it's hard to deal with child wanting this and that for Christmas or their birthday (9 months in advanced.)

1.) I say go ahead and have them write down EVERYTHING they want- obviously they won't get some of the stuff right off the bat.

2.) Then force the child to take 2 or 5 things off the list.

3.) THEN in a few days, ask them what they put on their list. Garuntee they will not remember half of it.

5 to 1

2006-10-05T07:54:00.000-05:00

Every bad thing you do needs to be balanced with five good things. It's true. Hate, bad, and evil carry such heavy loads it only makes sense that you need to dig out of the hate hole with doing more and more good. But I think the trick is, not to do the good for yourself or tell anyone you did the good. Cause than that runs into: Look at me look at me i did this good thing and now every should see and know! But that makes you look like a balloon head ready to explode. And people equate that to bad. So now you have to do 5 more good things. And the cycle never ends.

I admit, when I have done good in the past I would tell someone and then I just looked like a pompus fool. It is so hard not to tell and it's okay if it makes you feel good. But the goodness needs to stay in your heart and not your head. And then you have so much goodness in you (and you haven't told anyone) and so it forces you to do more good because you feel good. And that is a good circle to be in.

Okay fine, I'll write already!

2006-06-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

I hate missed opportunities!

One, I was at the market without my camera for mom's birthday.

Two, I work right down the street from the YMCA and could have worked out today IF I would have brought my gym stuff.

There will be lots of threes.

Down time fun

2006-05-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

crazy!

Validation

2006-05-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

Let's talk about validation. We all need it, we all seek it, and we all will get it one way or another. Even if it's not appropriate. It's right up there with sex. Getting validation is an important part of a nutritionally balanced well-being.

That's all children want when they grow up. A few yes answers from a PARENT. Not a replacement body of the parent, but from the parent. Children look to us, at us, deep into our eyes and crave: Please tell me I'm the best. They need hugs even if we don't understand them or think they are strange. They need yes answers even if they stand there annoying us. Giving validation to a child works wonders and calms their griping. But on the other hand, giving too much validation leads into not doing a thing for themselves and expecting the yes answers anyway. But what really gets my nads are adults.

We seek it as adults with
a simple nod to suggest an understand from where you are coming from.
Asking follow-up questions- so what you mean is... .
We hang around people who think the way we do no matter how silly or f-ed up our thoughts can be. We seek people who say yes in varies ways when we complain about others, tell stories with laughter, etc. We want that person to say yes! You are right! I agree! I was thinking the same thing! It's so unsatisfying sitting with someone who is talking about trees when you are talking about pizza.

I sense a vibe from people that says: Yes you did good but I can't tell you that because I teach with tough a hand. Well wooopdy doo. That just tells me you are selfish and feel better being in control of anothers feelings. OR that you are SO uncomfortable with saying nice. It's so strange how people cannot just say, hey you did great! Or you are right! Instead, bosses have patted my head. PATTED MY HEAD. Tell me that's not the ultimate I-don't-know-how-to-say-you-did-a-good-job.

You can't demand it either. I heard a girl say, well you better APPREICATE ME because I did that for you. What the hell is that? B*tch, I never said you had to do that for me. She obviously liked the guy and went out of her way on purpose and wanted him to love her now.

Another example:

I said: Don't date him-
who ever says they are volital are idiots-
and obviously doesn't want to date you.

She said: I know, that's what Mike said.

Everything I'd say she'd respond with: I know, that's what Mike said.
Hello? I am sitting right there telling you that to your face. I SAID THAT.

So all I beg is to make sure you give props to where props are due and stop being selfish. Take some time out today and really listen to another person. Stop and think, how are THEY doing today? Say thank you to someone. Because if you start it, other's will pay it forward.

We give strangers more respect than our own family and friends. We say thank you to strangers all the time. Treat your family like a stranger. Some times my daughter can really bite my butt, but when she does something for me, after I scream at her to do it because that is three times I told her, I say thank you in the end. A SINCERE heavy thank you. It's so hard to do but she learns that I still respect her as a person, I VALIDATE her being even if she doesn't listen the first three times.

Time magazine's 100 most influencial people

2006-05-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

Time Magazine

Ben Anderson

2006-04-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

I didn't know him very well. But he walked by me a couple of weeks ago with a long stride and BIG smile and then said, Hey! I haven't seen you since high school! I said who are you, while looking at him intently. I'm Ben Anderson.

I wanted to stop and talk because I love to see how everyone from my class is doing but he kept walking while we chatted fast. He brought a smile to my face that day because HE was smiling and he looked happy.

Take care guy.

His funeral is this Sunday. The family suggests contributions to NAMI.

Okay, my turn on TOM KAT

2006-04-19T08:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't said much about their fucked up relationship. I have just been watching in open eyed astonishment. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to MR. Bizarro? I'm WAITING for Katie to have post partum depression- and them getting a divorce because Tom won't believe her and throwing her medications down the toilet after he snoops around and finds her meds hidden in her underwear drawer. I know for dayam sure Katie will WIG the F out within three years- most likely one year because a) Tom will say the baby needs to be quiet so not to make HIM traumatized and b) Tom will yell at her because it will be her responsibility to shut the baby up. She will see the light one day, I have faith in her. You can see in her eyes she is hiding her screams. She already feels she needs to get out. Remember that movie Sleeping the Enemy? That's about the scariest movie about control I have ever seen. She will shoot him. I bet my job on it. I don't blame her. I would too. What a F*ck nut. Sorry for being harsh but I haven't commented on their dominate/passive relationship at all. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND eats placenta's or wants to?!?!?!? I sure the hell didn't and I turned out okay. Okay, maybe Joe should have, he might have gotten all the nutruition he needed to be a consistant father, but I digress.
Katie, I am on your side. I hope you know how to swim. That's how Julia Roberts got out. Get the baby a life jacket. Don't worry about it crying, it will have been trained to not cry and will take the waves as it comes. I'll be waiting in Ohio for you, so will your family. Or you could hide out with Nicole Kidman and their adopted children. I have a hunch Kidman has nonchalantly kept the kids away from their creepy father. And living in Australia- that's a little easier. Sigh. Tomkat bugs me.

One Year Anniversary

2006-04-07T12:28:00.000-05:00

It went by quietly but I have been at my job for a whole year now. :) I could do a few more years. Maybe I will get meself a sweatshirt and represent daily. Woop woop! I love my job.

My other blog

You will never imagine...

2006-03-31T12:12:00.000-06:00

Two critter cages cleaned
only after breaking dish soap container
and soaping the basement floor.

Why not wash the clothes while in the basement?
(on a nice day, I might add)
Can't be done. Funny noise in washer
and nothing goes round.
Can't wash anyway
all the dish soap is in the basement floor drain.

I used the bathroom tub for last cage
only to break the damn candle in there.
I go pick up boyfriend from work (at his bar)
and slam a beer and two shots.

We sleep fine and laugh it off
only to find the vacuum breaks too.

What next?

Johnny Cash

2006-03-27T12:20:00.000-06:00

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!
I watched the movie this weekend and I want more! I want to know about the ex-wife, his kids, what he did on his down time, etc.!

Here's a good tidbit and family info. site to see.
OMG, I am in love with this couple.

Cupcake Madness! Happy birthday to me!

2006-03-23T19:26:00.000-06:00

Sharon to the left

Scott and me showing off our team spirit after eating cupcakes.

Thanks Vern...

2006-03-23T10:16:00.000-06:00

...for hussling me to get back on here. (SUUUUUUUPer stretch) Ahhhh. For so long I thought, "I got nothin'!" I got nothin' to share, nothin' to say, but I do, I do! I still have to upload pics from my FROST YOUR OWN CUPCAKE birthday party at work (Thanks Erin for the idea.) waaaaaaaaaay on March 8th.

You know Vern, I just came up with a blog- Opinion Soup. Anyone can steal it, just give props where props are due (yea, that would be me.)

Another piece of info...

I was watching WVIZ about Einstein, after flipping through the channels waiting for Americal IDOL to come back on, I decided Einstein was a way more interesting and the IDOLS don't need me. So I learned about a super smart lady, Lise Meitner, (I like this site better) who discovered nuclear fission and that other guy (I can't find a site to support this nonsense) got a noble prize for it, damn Hitlers. I hope Mr. Otto Hahn is spinning in self-hatred. My birthday is also his, what the hell does that mean?! I am super offended and will learn more about this part of our history on a further date and bring my fully loaded opinions soon. I must have been sleeping during this time in History class, but it appears I slept through all the times women were mentioned in history. Is there a group or an association who support this lady, or EVERY lady in our history?!?! I need to join and talk or gripe about it with others.

Poor Gen Part 2

2006-02-06T13:00:00.000-06:00

I was excited to see how her project turned out and she told me no one had to do it that day! So that was Tuesday and finally she presented her project on Friday and told me, after the hard parts it was easy! Children are simply goofy.

----
Gen loves me now (Super Mom with Expanded Poofy Chest) because I bought her a used gameboy advantage at Record Exchange, which is now called The Exchange. She actually shouted from her room, "Mom I LOVE YOU!!" I traded in her old Game Boy with the stupid (<-Gen's word) game it came with, which actually means, that was the game I bought with the Game Boy for her birthday last year and I just took a gamble on which game to buy. Do I have too many whiches in this paragraph?

Poor Gen

2006-02-01T12:39:00.000-06:00

She had a project due yesterday so of course I learned about it the night before.

I told her first to tough it out,
you should have let me see the assignment.

She countered with
I didn't like the book
it's boring.

So she cried and cried
and I talked morals to her.

I wrote a small letter on her planner asking her teacher for one more day. I also looked through her planner and there is NO mention of this project at ALL. I warned Gen that her teacher might not give her one more day and that is okay. That's life.

But I told her it would be over. The world will not end because of this project. Tomorrow will be difficult, but you will get through it. Before she went to bed, she looked nervous and I asked if she felt nervous in her stomach and she said yes. I said that's normal and that's how it feels when you aren't prepared. Hug hug kiss kiss.

So the nice teacher called me the next day and we talked about what to do. She pointed out thatpart of her philosophy is about the kids having fun doing their projects and learning. We seemed to be in agreement that Gen would finish the project and still go up in front of the class.

So we worked on it that night with popcicle sticks and some crafts I had left over from Christmas. We made some trees and I grabbed stones from the driveway to create a rustic forest scene. Her book was about a girl living inthe 1600s. So we needed to show this without the bright blue ribbons and paints she wanted to use. Gen started crying when she got overwhelmed again with the project but I told her to stop. She cried enough last night, now is the time to suck it up and keep working on the project. (Woah, where did this tough love come from?!) Yes it's hard and it's not fun, but it has to get done. To my surprise she stopped and kept working on it.

I needed to glue-gun stuff and I almost squirted it on the floor. But I saved the carpet with my bare hands. I got some mild burns in between my fingers and finger tips. Gen was laughing and laughing. It really wasn't funny, but I let it go. After that she finished the project gluing on the stones and the trees and cleaned up.

New Year's resolution decisions confirmed

2006-01-16T14:15:00.000-06:00

I will learn how to play piano and not just the scales. I'm thinking of torturing myself (and everyone else) by having a super short recital at Thanksgiving. I have a book and a keyboard to practice all year.

Jeff and I were watching Matrix- which really means he was watching and I was reading a reflexology book and poking eyeballs at the screen during the cool parts. The book mentioned massaging feet is like playing piano. So I might see about taking massage classes or use Gen as my dummy.

There are stables in the Metroparks and I wonder if they rent horses or if I could take a one time riding lesson some where. Chief Rocka- you have any ideas?

Aunt Jan wins

2005-12-27T08:45:00.000-06:00

the BEST PRESENT AWARD this year! She gave me a Nancy Pearl action figure with amazing push-button SHUSHING action!

Nancy Pearl's website

Kudos to Bill Barrow!

2005-12-27T08:28:00.000-06:00

Cleveland State Special Collection

Religion

2005-12-23T08:19:00.000-06:00

What the hell is this crap?

I don't usually care about religion one way or another, but what gives the God D*&m Pope the right to have immunity from possibly BREAKING THE LAW?

This really fires my butt!

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

2005-12-22T11:19:00.000-06:00

I have earned my SUPER MOM cape! You must envy my puffy chest and strutted arms.

I found the pen at WALGREENS! Walgreens, you rule! I bought two more, so if this one breaks, I have a back-up. And we are giving the third one to her friend who started all this, and who actually did break hers.

She was with me when we found it, so no go under the tree. But her face was super joy and that's all that matters. I wouldn't have been able to hold in my excitement even if I found it by myself. I guess I can return all the other items I got her...

Christmas Time

2005-12-21T14:38:00.000-06:00

Rules! My belly is inches from my desk and crumbs are all around. I think I have found what I could for Gen. This year she is crazy for a pen that writes invisible, but has a black light. I found it is called a Spy Pen. And America is out of them at the moment. I told her straight out, I tried and I failed. She said, "You are always too late with anything I want." I love how children pigeon hole their beliefs as ALWAYS. They never remember what you did for them an hour ago. I'm SO sorry, all you have is shelter over your head, food to eat, and different jeans to choose from every day. NEVER MIND the heat in the house.

I gripe as a writing tool, so the truth is, Gen has been wonderful this year and I couldn't ask for a better, more thoughtful daughter.

To all music playing stations out there...

2005-12-07T08:45:00.000-06:00

STOP PLAYING HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH!!!!!! They are bland and boring. And don't try and sneak them into Christmas song time either- I heard that... Whiney, dull, voice. Might as well send my happy holiday time down their drain.

Friday Night Partae'

2005-12-02T19:02:00.000-06:00

at the new place. I went through my taxes and organized them MORE! Exciting! Omgosh though, I finally emptied another box. I had to stop with the file cabinet, paper messes SUCK. But I WILL get through them and be done soon. A file a day seems to be the rate. If you can't do a lot, do a little. (Thanks mom for the great advice!) It sounds like a mom advice doesn't it? I hear myself tell Gen a LOT, "If you don't clean up after yourself, someone else has to, and that's not right." Hasn't sunk in. But I do wonder what she will repeat to her kids when she (never, according to her) has some.

Rum, Dreams, and Congrats!

2005-11-28T11:07:00.000-06:00

The Rum Diary is a great story that Hunter S. Thompson wrote and it is coming out as a movie! I always tell people it feels like you are sitting on the beach when you read the book- never minding that the cover has an image of Thompson doing just that. What a great book to read during the winter months!
___

I had two dreams last night. The first one- It was a Monday when I should have been at work. I was still doing things that involved moving and I barely remember that I needed to be at work. I just blew it off as another day.

The second one- oh yea, I was talking with Lebron James, kind of on a porch set up. And the conversation was really easy going. We had things to say, back and forth. And he was so nice. But we kept being interrupted, like we were passing out Halloween candy or something like that.
___

Thanks giving was lots o' fun as always- but I do have to admit without Drunk Stephanie and Erin it was a little quieter this year. Ohmygosh, the food was AWESOME! Congratulations Stephanie!

Chili Cook-off Results

2005-11-23T12:52:00.000-06:00

There were five entries of chili. Twenty nine participants, each donating at least 2 bucks. Over 60 dollars for Coats for Kids. I (along with one other) got honorable mentions represented with clapping. I lost 5 votes- three people were scared of my mushrooms, one said she liked mine but didn't vote, and the other didn't eat chili at all- she just came to be part of the hoo-ra. The person who put all this together won. That makes for a mysterious-fishy-chili contest....

SUPER FUN!! THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Moving Part 2

2005-11-17T12:42:00.000-06:00

Things are moving with the move, ah ha. Mostly Gen's stuff, for her room. She packed a lot of papers, pencils, trinkets, bells, and whistles. I told her after everything is set and put away she will need to pack three boxes back up. I figure this will be a nice lesson for her to learn- to live with out some things that you though were so important. And three boxes isn't much. I even said she can pick the boxes, big, small, doesn't matter.

But her bed is up, and I have to roll a sticky thing around because Jeff's cat, Hissy, as Gen calls her, has taken a liking to it.

Jeff's cats are hilarious. They are both quiet if you don't mess with them, of course Jeff can't let THAT be. Whiskers, is old old old, and very daintly with a LOT of long grey hair. She stares at you until you feed her and will very slowly and lightly lay on your lap. Jeff throws her around and does strange things to her (some how he doesn't hurt her), like forces her to dance the YMCA. She is a sweet thing with sharp nails.

Weezer, the one Gen calls Hissy, has shorter hair, calico, and large. She has no front claws and Jeff LOVES to screw with her because she makes noises beyond hissing. Jeff made her hiss and growl so loud one time a neighbor said something threw the window. She bats her paws as hard as she can and will try to bite. But I actually picked her up today to feed her and she didn't put up a fight once I had hold of her. She is hilarious!

So far I have moved all my unimportant things. I pack the car some times when I visit. We decided after Thanksgiving I will move all my big stuff. That weekend I guess. I don't have much, just one van load should do it.

Pork Sucks.

2005-11-11T11:33:00.000-06:00

I try and I tried.
Even Jeff's Best Chef Recipes-
a pork roll with apples and stuffing in it
sucks.

It smells like rotted dead bodies
baked in the microwave.

Joke

2005-11-09T12:03:00.000-06:00

If a big-breasted woman works at Hooters,
where do one legged people work?

IHOP.

Happy Birthday Traci!

2005-11-09T12:02:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Vern!

2005-11-08T11:53:00.000-06:00

Smartest man in the library-
he can rap out any rhyme
for you or me!

Pound one out for Vern!

SO excited about moving!

2005-11-07T13:08:00.000-06:00

Jeff and I have been talking about what we need to do and saying stuff like, "Are you really sure, yea, I'm sure..." Back and forth. He has been so supportive, even for Gen. He said she could have her room painted if she wants (although, to keep things easy, I will vote to not bring up the issue at all.) But other stuff, like having a Christmas tree... he's a guy, I didn't think he would want one or care to have one. He told me "Heck yea, we'll have a tree and it has to be real too." Surprises, surprises. I told him I feel bad bringing in my "junk" and he said, "We all have junk." Sigh. And I really am doing my best to get rid of all my crap I thought was special at one time. I find things and say, "What the heck is this? From who? Or why do I STILL have this? God, I love throwing things out. I am obviously my mother's child.

By putting all the stuff from the basement into my room, my mom, Erin, and I will sweep out the basement and clean it up. I have a hunch the stuff will stay in the room for a long, long time. But Erin and Aevar should have that room for themselves and I am hopeful they can turn the smaller room into the computer room or, sigh, a guest room. Wouldn't WE feel rich?!

It feels right and fun. I am so excited I am ready to move now. We already have a mattress in the room for Gen (it needs to air out.) And I have slowly brought in other things- shoes, a baking pan, and a beaded flower pot Grandma made. The beads are rather brittle and BING off every once in a while. (Toothbrush was actually the first thing moved in.)

SO EXCITED.

Mumbling

2005-10-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

Mumble is me.
Curling my words into my tongue,
my lips, and back into my head.

In my dreams I shout in my head and
my words come out in stuttering whispers.

Frustration forces its weak little hands
pushing the inside of my forehead.
With its head low and its legs lunged.

Get out, get out
you loud noises!

And all it creates are tiny poofs of headaches.

LakewoodBuzz.com Poetry Day

2005-10-24T09:16:00.000-05:00

I was last to go up and I got nervous. Too much caffeine I blame. The point though, Gen was exposed to daring poets. I didn't win any cash prizes but made up for it by meeting new, super nice, people!

Too Much

2005-10-03T09:17:00.000-05:00

The weekend still wondering
this Monday, in my head.
I love you all
but not at once.

Too much shine
too much noise
I need one at a time
and slow, like stew.

No penetration
into the worlds of you anyway.
I am fiercely curious
but not sharp enough-
like a butter knife
stabbing a deflated balloon.

My nerves fray
and my eyes twitch,
though, wrapped in fat layer of love.
I will smile big for all my life
but maybe not know what to say.
Don't hold that against me.

No bathroom, elevator, or weather talk please.
I need secrets, thoughts, and dreams,
followed by sighs of complete contentment.

Sadness is still sitting
in my nervous stomach
with thoughts of Friday.
The first time I glimpsed
at everyone's faces.

If I rememeber correctly,
these are the same sad nerves
I had in high school.

I mean, God, (if) next time I see you again
my child will be 19.
Doesn't that make your eyes grow big?
Don't you want to know her name
and find out her latest dreams?
If not wanting to know me,
don't you have hope for my child?

I Rescued John Adams!

2005-09-29T11:39:00.000-05:00

Refering to the poem I wrote earlier.
_________

The morning before our family reunion at Steph's house I went for a walk near my old elementary school that they are tearing down. I was SO relieved that my eye sight was perfect and made the morning that much more crisp. I heard construction noise- on a Saturday? Whatever. I walked slowly watching three destroyers with their yellow machine arms pounding concrete, lifting steel rods, muffling in the dust. I saw the flimsy gate was open and that book I wrote about in my poem was there. I stood very still near the gate, watched, and drank my coffee. I was getting up the nerve to run in there and steal this rain and dirt soaked book. I was nervous they woul yell at me to get out of there. I was also nervous one of them would stop what he was doing, get out of his toy, and start running after me. I was reassured knowing I could out run him and his little friends. I finished my coffee and I was very warm with the sun at my back. A car drove past me and I booked it into the area. I ran about 10 feet toward the gate chanting, "They don't care about me, they don't care about me, if they even see me, they don't care..."
I hair pinned turned into the area and ran another 20 feet. I was safe for a moment behind the large tin garbage (aka school parts) holders. The grass was swollen with wet lumps and I rescued the book. I ran back out, "They don't care, they don't see me..." And kept walking fast. My original plan was to run the heck out of hell. But I KNEW they didn't care. I didnt look back, well, I peered over my shoulder every once in a while for a yellow arm to pick at my shoulder. I was so relieved to rescue this "John Adams" book. I zig zagged down the streets toward my house. I glanced at the book a few times. It was actually a book with a horse on the cover and with short stories to help third graders read.

I can see!

2005-09-23T11:43:00.000-05:00

My eyes were blasted and I can see for miles and miles and miles!

Happy Birthday Lisa!

2005-09-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

I would have put this on the family blog, but I locked myself out (and noone has invited me back in, sniffle). See you on Saturday!

Oh, my Hayes (Round Two)

2005-09-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

I walked by a second time.
They are tearing down my elementary school.
I don't know where the first poem is at the moment.
________

The destruction of the school I understand-
but the death of a book?
It was turned away from me
tilted off of a large piece of stone
or maybe a piece of the school.
But it looked like John Adams on the cover,
his pages waiting to be turned
not from sticky storms
or raw winds
but by gentle hands
eager for its words.
The ISBN scraped and torn,
the year unknown.
I wanted to crawl under
the wimpy temporary fence
and fetch it for keepsake.
Instead I kept walking
away, toward the future-
another page turned.

I stopped again
in front of the back doors
and remembered the years
in the smelly old gym
voting, the old people,
the crowds, the baked cupcakes,
at 7:30 in the mornings.
No where to park. And the children
ducking under us
to get in their school to learn.
Also there, the Scholastic book sales.

It was okay to see the porta's and a
sturdy bench for the destroyers.
It's their job.
They need a break, too.

But I walked passed an empty
soda can, a Pepsi
laying passionately thrown.

I heard ticking knocks
in the trees, still tall,
those mysterious bugs
having a party.

The lone window with a blind
and a perfect circle loop pull-down handle,
still there.

The front door
devastated by bricks
depressed and destroyed.
Holding not the prestige
it owned from its birth.

Then I saw them.
The tiny chairs with
their legs straight up,
bent at odd angles,
(if only I could've saved one)
like a dead four legged loved animal
demolished and put to death in a mass grave.
They were the first thing I thought about
before I went on this walk.

Hi Family

2005-09-16T12:58:00.000-05:00

If anyone reads this, will someone invite me to be a contributor, I locked myself out, I guess.

Trying to Eat

2005-09-13T12:34:00.000-05:00

Here's a gripe of any typical day at HBHam. LOVE not being there!!!
October 11, 2004

The Christmas bells chime on the door- been up for three years now. I am cattled into helping the next customer. I rise from my smoked turkey, green leaf lettuce, garden tomato and horseradish sauce sandwich, still chewing in my teeth, savoring as fast as I can to get in rhythm to say !Welcome! to this customer. I walk slow, rounding the corner from the phone room- we see you but you can’t see us. I lick my teeth and lips, loathing my lunch break broken and having to put on a mask with a wimpy rubber band holding my plastic smile. I walk, my eyelids lowered, my head raised high on my shoulders and my chest puffed. I lick the sauce from the side of my mouth, so good.

They all know when it’s my lunch hour. They all come when I say, “I think I’ll throw some lunch in the microwave.” Vroom one after another. “Can I have a ham classic no mustard with mayo, do you have any onions?” Is the meat fresh? No, we sell three day old meat and laugh every time you buy one.

Blogger with New Orlean Pic's

2005-09-06T12:58:00.000-05:00

http://conroys.blogspot.com/

Confessions of a Computer Lab Monitor

2005-08-30T03:04:00.000-05:00

I sit and see a sea of computers
and bodies glued to chairs and screens.

What I dread most are the ignorant souls
who thought going to college would some how
make them grow.

They walk to me and ask,
How do I do...

"Every semester I forget my password,
this time, again."
Giggle, giggle.
This is not a funny one to me.

I want to ring the neck
but chant in my head
this is my job, this is my job
one hour, One God Awful Hour.

My soul skids slow across asphalt
having to help stupidity.

But most of them know
how to open their email,
and remember their passwords
is the same for every semester.

They don't even look at me,
when they walk in with coffee.
I don't care what they do
as long as they don't need me.

Bagels

2005-08-26T09:25:00.000-05:00

Rule.

Sharon's Birthday!

2005-08-24T17:47:00.000-05:00

Erin started a trend or Sharon is one out of two people who read my blogs. Pick one.

This Saturday will be Sharon's birthday. She works in CDM near me, whenever she gets around to her work. We are not cube buddies. We are one hopped cube. Well, her cube is not cubed at all, really. She has an open desk-non-cube-area. She is my Goofy Sufi Friend. Props!

I'm Dead Out

2005-08-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

Genevieve and my mom went to a cemetary earlier in the day and I was getting ready to go to Trader Joe's.

Gen was washing her hand in the kitchen sink. I asked her if she wanted to go to Trader Joe's with Jeff and me and she said, "No, I don't feel like it."

You can get candy, I said.

I don't feel like candy.

You can get vegetables, frozen or fresh.

I don't feel like vegetables.

I leaned on the door way. She dried her hands.

You can get fruit.

I don't feel like fruit.

My mom and I looked at eachother, laughing quietly.

My mom asked her if she wanted to go to another cemetary.

Gen sighed, and said, I don't feel like another cemetary, I'm dead out.

Before I was born

2005-08-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969.

Message to my Family

2005-08-01T10:27:00.000-05:00

I invited my family to read my blog, but after reading some of what I wrote, I just wanted to say to my fam, Don't hate me 'cause I am blog angry. I swear some. I'm grumpy. My mom said I say grumpy too much, but it's the word that fits. So I apologize if I offend anyone with mean words or you don't understand me anymore 'cause I know I portray myself as a nice happy person in person. Maybe I will be understood MORE with these blogs. I don't actually focus on being angry when I write, it has just morphed into this. There are some happy like Silence is Awake and Sadness of Trees. So there.

Cats Rule

2005-07-27T21:30:00.000-05:00

I tried and I even try, but I hate dogs. I will never like any of them. They are cute and I will pet every last ugly mutt on the planet and google at them with creepy baby sounds- as long as I don't have to take care of them. Ever. This feeling might pass after a few years. Like when I live in my hermit home with my grumpy old self, snarling at stupid neighbors, and feel that I am not safe anymore by myself- MAYBE I'll get a dog.

Okay, it Gets Grosser

2005-07-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

There is another book about wound treatment and pictures I have come across are vascular ulcers. This poor person has gangrene. Apparently you must keep the foot dry, using alcohol papers. The book is in black and white- doesn't help when they talk about the redness or the green look to these ulcers.

Maybe I should get back to work.

Data Collection from Human Skeletal Remains

2005-07-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

I work in a library as well as that stupid customer service job. Libraries are the best. Today I ventured across how to store, collect data, and process human remains. Like what details to focus on when taking pictures. There was a hole in a skull called trepanation "a surgical procedure which involves cutting a hole in the cranial vault and removing the cut piece of bone." This job never gets boring.

YOU BETTER!

2005-07-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

Oh, these customers are killing me today. The first crazy was a lady with huge legs who needed three sandwiches for a hospital visit and was a little too excited singing opera while she waited for me to finish.

The next guy had a small build, small shoulders and a deep voice. He looked suspicious, like he was on crack. He had a wad of cash and drove out of the parking lot with a huge diesel pick-up truck.

My favorite by far, who has won the straw on my camel's back, I'm quitting because of her, (thank you, biotch. you are the face I will never forget, representing all the nasty mean costumers of the earth.)

Everyone should be required to do customer service at least once in life, to be humbled by the bitchiness of the world. I used to be the bitch, but now have learned that eye contact is VERY important and this is just another job for them, too. No one REALLY wants to "serve" ANYONE. It's just a bitch slap every time you have to do something for someone else, when you know DAMN well they can do it themselves. Oh, eye contact is SO important.

Generally, I have to present the product to these ungrateful holes. This lady says, "I need to see two." I pull out two. "Those are two small, I was told on the phone I can get what ever size I needed." Fine, I say, I can show you two more.

"You better."

That's what she f*cking said. YOU BETTER.

I glared at her and said to myself, "It is you, you are the biotch, who is rewarded my precious straw."

My partner had to help her for the rest of the time. My ears were red hot and I had to get in the freezer with a quickness.

Silence is Awake

2005-07-22T00:49:00.000-05:00

After the night cools the earth
the sun quietly sets her return,
quiets the barking dogs
and gives us the birds.
The wind full of promise
chimes us her dance.
Everyone in my house still asleep
except me and silence.

Ruining My Rhythm (Crossing the Street)

2005-07-14T18:36:00.000-05:00

Let me try to attempt my problem with "nice" drivers and crossing the street in front of them. I have my normal pace, maybe a little fast for some, but that's not the issue. Now, I want to cross the street and a car wants to turn. They wave me to say "Hey, you can go before me." This would be nice if I didn't have a problem with people who assume unnessary control of everything they possibly can. I am expected to do a little jog to say, "Hey, thanks for letting me go first."

Never mind the fact pedetrians DO get the right of way. Butmaybe I don't want the right of way. My rhythmm, my lil' stroll, is thrown off when I am walking and then I have to "jog a lil" for a car. Does anyone else feel it or am I just high maintence?

My solution- just go in front of me if our different paces show you will reach your destination before me. Or if I stop walking and wave you thru, YOU just go! OR don't expect me to "do a lil' jog" AFTER you wave me thru-

I never do the jog. I stay at my pace and maybe smile. Am I rude?

Bored people's problems...

The Roads Most Travelled

2005-07-11T17:40:00.000-05:00

I love new roads. It seems they always put the asphalt down on the extremely hot days. Is that on purpose? Can they not put it down in rain? But the smell is new, it's so much easier to speed, and the yellow barrells are gone.

Following myself around

2005-07-07T12:55:00.000-05:00

I am off these days from mother duties and everyone is gone from my home. Thankfully, my boyfriend understands that I wanted time to myself and to see what I do. My first out of five, I did nothing, not even cleaned the house. I think my sister catalysted this do nothing attitude on your first day off, which to me was a new thing, I usually would want to clean the house and pretend it's all mine- it's all mine! But this time, I didn't care. I went grocery shopping with the boyfriend too.
My second day, I DID clean the house, but not as much as I thought. It's Terri Clean, I thought. I turned on the radio, swept the floors, washed the dishes, straightened the couch and living room. Then I found myself in front of the computer writing two poems, opened alcoholic container #1, 2, and 3. Three notebooks spread out on the kitchen table. No cares to venture outside of the house on this beautiful day. I ended up taking the dogs for a walk around the block after 10 PM. I don't like talking to neighbors in the day light when I am tipsy or sober for that matter.
Why are we forced to be all smiles and say hi to people, just because we are so darn close to them? Can we come up with a non-verbal sign that says, "I like you and I will talk to you some other time, but right now, even though you are standing right next to me, I don't want to talk to you, thanks."

I SAW DEAD PEOPLE

2005-07-06T10:16:00.000-05:00

I went the Body World 2 at the Science Center in Cleveland.
_______

The journey started through the ears, earbones and heads. Through splints in legs and knee joints and arthritis. Muscles with tendons and ligaments split from bones and frayed away, so elegant. Other muscles wrapped around bones and organs. Muscles buried in nerve endings and veins.

Men's sexual organs so simple and women's so difficult. No wonder ...

Their bladders five times larger, as big as a small eggplant. Our bladders, as big as an over grown walnut.

Lungs large, liver, too.

Kidneys, three inches, small, like the beans.

After the ears, a spine twisted like an S, showing us MS.
Vertabres, cartlidge, which one did Erin hurt? Converging organs, adapted.

The throat and tongue were most interesting to me (the intestines, too.) Tongues were smaller than I would always imagine. Or thick and fat. Tubes of esaphogus or windpipes, an Adam's apple. Huh.

So many veins, muscles, and bones, but there was one lady they called the X-Lady and her eyes were exposed from her head and her legs were crossed into an X. Her face was split right down the middle and her skin was peeled away, exposing the innerds. (A Terri word) If I was more technical with this word, it would need to be spelled INNERED. Or have other people used this word?

Should I share a secret? (I wanted to see our butts. How they look from the insides.)

I was disturbed with the foot bone. SO clunky- and that represents my sensitive soul? (Pisces are represented by the feet on the body)

They had one skelton behind the counterparts of its muscles, making it look like the twin was followiing it. THAT was an eye popper.

Two OMGs*. OMG1. The fat around the body. They showed what fat looks like around the muscles. The poor guy, they cut a large vertical slab, and maybe 2 inches + or fat surrounded the perimeters of the organs. The slab of this large guy and a skinny guy layed on a shiny black table. And again, you could almost touch. I didn't get a super close look at the organs filled with fat (it was getting to be a day.) It was interesting to see the fat bunched up in the back of the neck. The slab looked like purple crystal inside of a rock that is always sold in gift shops.

OMG2, was a pregnant lady. They seperated her, own area with baby. On the way to visit her, you see the tiniest 3 week old, if you have good eyes. Progress in their own tubes to 12 weeks (?). And on the way out, you see a three month old, 6 months in their own glass huts. I was wondering if they were real, they looked so fake. I still couldn't tell you, except, by default, the WHOLE show was supposed to be real dead people, so they had to be real.

AN Extra OMG. How close you could get to these exhibits!! I think I stuck my head up two butts. They had diagrams for the front and back of each body. Too technical for my taste, but I did purchase rental, for 4 dollars, the phones that explain stuff(it would have been nice to have Aunt Jan, MD to explain things instead.) It would have helped, also, if I did not treat the phone like a high school teacher trying to teach me Phylosophy.

*OMG- Oh My God! (Or gosh!)

My Blog Name (Part 2)

2005-07-05T14:07:00.000-05:00

Erin informed me that she used to call me Terri-iTHia. Not iNTHia. And I think I might like it better that way. Maybe not. I'll get over it, maybe. It's just a blogname for GOSH Sake!

When I win (Crossing fingers)

2005-06-30T06:44:00.000-05:00

I sent my poem to be viewed by the outside world. I'll post my poem, "Every Day Here in Lakewood," after I win, I hope I hope. I don't want to get accused of publishing it on here. I'm sure it isn't what they are talking about, putting it on the blog, but the word publish is all over this blog. When I finish writing something, it feels like having baby. So much care and thought goes into it, and then after the labor, gets chewed up in the world. Doesn't cry much though, a silent baby. I like those. Maybe that is the secret why I like writing so much. I do exclude writing for college papers- that's more like rat babies born in drive-thru deliveries.

Sad Life of Trees

2005-06-28T17:41:00.000-05:00

They sit
or stand on the ground
where they were planted from flying propellers
and grow up.
They wave their leaves with the help of the wind
but never leave.
Never get to travel, see the world,
visit or learn the cultures of other trees
or wade their roots in the sand.
Trees never get to travel on a train
and see the cows
sitting on the ground
churning their milk.
Trees never get to lie on their backs,
have branches behind their head
and look at the stars.
Never fall in love.
They stay put
and watch life pass by
next to roads
in back yards
or between buildings
getting pissed on
fighting their fellow leaves
for the warm sun’s attention.

My Blog Name (Part 1)

2005-06-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

Erin gave me this name in prefix, asking for something, usually the car. Sort of a dedication to her, using it for my blog site, because she started all this among us.

Check this out

2005-04-28T15:35:00.000-05:00

it's hilarious- http://www.createbands.com

Gen's birthday

2005-04-17T11:04:00.000-05:00

Gen's 9th birthday Comedy Show is not over, but they are almost asleep. Someone chose THE most boringest movie ever, Teen Wolf 2! to watch and now everyone is almost asleep!

I finally figured out how us parents get thru these crazy kid parties. Bailey's and coffee. Beer make you an automatic alcoholic. Wine, too svelte, start putting your pincky up and not lifting any other fingers. Keep the coffee pot full and armed with Bailey's and the party is already a hit, for the parents.

It seems everyone had fun. There are 4 girlfriends who are sleeping over (the token boy, Parker, who was mentioned on Gen's Graffiti Wall as cute several times had to go home at 10:30.) I wonder if Erin remembers Mrs. Holian ever telling us that you don't say "sleeping over" You say, sleeping IN, some one's house. You would jump OVER their house if you could, but you don't sleep on the roof which still wouldn't be OVER, it would be ON. Over means done or an action word for turning, in a sense. So many grammitcal errors so little time.

Some minor glitches- We went for a walk with flashlights, SO fun, until Tori fell on her knee and scraped it bad. We walked for about 10 minutes and I would say those were my favorite minutes. The kids were all huddled up a few feet in front of me, I could see them all, no one bugging me. (I missed Jeff at that moment actually.) I thought they would be loud and obnoxious with the lights, but they were at an appropriate volume and didn't shine the lights into cars or houses. Instead of going around the block, we went down Athens, to go farther. You know how children can NEVER resist climbing up on walls to walk on. Well, it was Tori's turn at temptation and she had a skirt, her boots, but her knees were bare. The last stone flipped, like a seasaw, and she fell right on her knee. I could feel the pain down my back. So that ended that.

I called her mom, confirmed her drama. At the SAME time, THE SAME TIME! Gen discovered her hamster died. Do I comfort the friend? Do I comfort the daughter??!?! Sat with Tori for one second, on the phone with her mother, ran upstairs, swam through Gen's tears to tell her, we knew he was sick. She was understanding of this and thank GOD, thank GOD, Mariah was behind me to take up my slack. Ran back downstairs to end things with Tori's mom. She said, just cover it up so she doesn't look at the scrape, and freak out more. I said, if you don't hear from me in a half an hour, assume things are good. Poor Parker was waiting patiently to go back for a walk.
Called Jeff, found out he was coming over soon, brave man, I know. When he got here, at first he was taking the kids (who wanted to) for a walk. But Gen was staying in playing Cadoo with Tori and Cassie, so I went instead, with Parker and Mariah, and flash lights and dogs. We get the dogs out when we can, but not often enough. Maggie laid on the landing even while I was rattling her chain, she just didn't get it, until I attempted to put her collar on her, that she was going for a walk. (They all fell asleep now, at 2:21, including Jeff who fell asleep before anyone.) To sum up, one scraped knee and a dead hamster. He is curled up, snuggled in himself. He had a good life (three years), I know, 'cause I cleaned his damn cage every time (except once when Gen did it), fed and watered his ass. He really was a good hamster, never bit any of us. God bless the smallest boy in our family.
Mom slept through it all.
Thanks for listening to my drama, practicing my writing skills while I'm at it. G'night.

Love, Terri

So much to do

2005-02-14T14:30:00.000-06:00

Cleaning out the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. upstairs closet is next. This all began because we were all cleaning at work for the dreaded inspection from the boss boss people and I was all dirty from cleaning out hairnets from the bottom of rollers in the chairs. I demanded a raise while I was breathing in the hairnet dust. Noone else who has worked there has ever cleaned out the bottom of the chairs. It took about an hour and a half to do three chairs. So that day when I came home I cleaned one cupboard above the stove. There was a 1/16" layer of grease. Gen asked me why I was cleaning so late in the day at 7pm. Cleaning waits for no time I said. That was a wednesday night. Saturday I told my mother I would be cleaning out the food cupboard and she said bless you. I even went out and bought brackets so the boards could be used correctly instead of balancing off of peices of wood, plastic bread bag holders, or the tallest bottle of cheap vodka.

Hello

2005-02-03T19:44:00.000-06:00

Just checking