Validation

Let's talk about validation. We all need it, we all seek it, and we all will get it one way or another. Even if it's not appropriate. It's right up there with sex. Getting validation is an important part of a nutritionally balanced well-being.

That's all children want when they grow up. A few yes answers from a PARENT. Not a replacement body of the parent, but from the parent. Children look to us, at us, deep into our eyes and crave: Please tell me I'm the best. They need hugs even if we don't understand them or think they are strange. They need yes answers even if they stand there annoying us. Giving validation to a child works wonders and calms their griping. But on the other hand, giving too much validation leads into not doing a thing for themselves and expecting the yes answers anyway. But what really gets my nads are adults.

We seek it as adults with
a simple nod to suggest an understand from where you are coming from.
Asking follow-up questions- so what you mean is... .
We hang around people who think the way we do no matter how silly or f-ed up our thoughts can be. We seek people who say yes in varies ways when we complain about others, tell stories with laughter, etc. We want that person to say yes! You are right! I agree! I was thinking the same thing! It's so unsatisfying sitting with someone who is talking about trees when you are talking about pizza.

I sense a vibe from people that says: Yes you did good but I can't tell you that because I teach with tough a hand. Well wooopdy doo. That just tells me you are selfish and feel better being in control of anothers feelings. OR that you are SO uncomfortable with saying nice. It's so strange how people cannot just say, hey you did great! Or you are right! Instead, bosses have patted my head. PATTED MY HEAD. Tell me that's not the ultimate I-don't-know-how-to-say-you-did-a-good-job.

You can't demand it either. I heard a girl say, well you better APPREICATE ME because I did that for you. What the hell is that? B*tch, I never said you had to do that for me. She obviously liked the guy and went out of her way on purpose and wanted him to love her now.

Another example:

I said: Don't date him-
who ever says they are volital are idiots-
and obviously doesn't want to date you.

She said: I know, that's what Mike said.

Everything I'd say she'd respond with: I know, that's what Mike said.
Hello? I am sitting right there telling you that to your face. I SAID THAT.

So all I beg is to make sure you give props to where props are due and stop being selfish. Take some time out today and really listen to another person. Stop and think, how are THEY doing today? Say thank you to someone. Because if you start it, other's will pay it forward.

We give strangers more respect than our own family and friends. We say thank you to strangers all the time. Treat your family like a stranger. Some times my daughter can really bite my butt, but when she does something for me, after I scream at her to do it because that is three times I told her, I say thank you in the end. A SINCERE heavy thank you. It's so hard to do but she learns that I still respect her as a person, I VALIDATE her being even if she doesn't listen the first three times.